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If not, things are probably about to get worse. OK, we have to interject here. Two things that any good sex toy should have are the ability to both scratch those super hard-to-reach places and the ability to warp the mind of a child should they ever stumble upon it by accident. So cram these on your fingers and get the Emergency Room on speed dial. Think you got what it takes to write for Cracked.

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Some, like this sagging septuagenarian doll, are just made to haunt the recesses of your psyche for all time. It's a sign of our throwaway society that people can't even be bothered to use reusable canned vaginas anymore, but the convenience of a Pepsi sized tube of greased up, squishy polymers just can't be beat. Please type the following code.




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Then submit an article or some other pieces of content. Admit it, every time you visit your local sex store you look up and down the aisles and are secretly ashamed and disgusted that there's not a single toy that can also double as some kind of medieval siege weapon. To the point that they need them to vibrate way, way more than even the most powerful internal motor can drive it?


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To the point that in order to feel anything, you need an industrial power tool spinning your marital aid at several hundred RPMs and creating enough friction to spark spontaneous vaginal combustion in the process? We're guessing on every corner in Japan they've got these in vending machines. If you're into that sort of thing, or if you're conducting your own inquisition, then this tiny Iron Maiden for a schlong may be right up your alley. To the point that they need them to vibrate way, way more than even the most powerful internal motor can drive it? And to wipe the horror from your eyes, stop on by Cracked.


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